Tuesdays and Tunes

There’s no real aim to this blog post except I felt like sharing some of the music I’ve been listening to lately. I haven’t mastered the art of getting through a day without music, and that is an art. I just need to listen to it, like most other people, I’m sure. Music for me has to have a meaning. I’m sure all lyrics mean different things to different people, but I can’t listen to songs that seem to have just been written for the sake of it, there needs to be a meaning. So… here is this weeks playlist. It mainly accompanied me whilst I was making this scrabble-thing-in-a-photo-frame for my mam (which is what happens when you find yourself in ASDA buying photo frames and superglue at 9pm).

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1 – Sam Smith: Latch

I arrived at this tune via Kodaline which is one of my favourite bands. Kodaline cover “Latch” beautifully, but there is something about Sam Smith’s voice that seems to just match how I’m feeling lately. I’m latching onto you. 

2 – Passenger: Whispers

I listen to Passenger almost every day, and am eagerly awaiting the new album. This gem appeared on my Facebook news feed a few days ago and it has been a daily listen since then. Well I wait in line so I can wait some more, but I can’t remember what I came here for, but I can’t leave now because I have a light that shines and a love so pure, and I don’t know what to use them for, I should know by now. Lovely tune.

3 – Avicii: Addicted To You

Okay, so maybe scrap what I was saying about lyrics meaning something…I think this is about the tune. Or maybe it’s because it’s Avicii and all of his tunes take me back to the old days, or nights. Feet sticking to the dance floor, kissing strangers, shots with best friends and snow ball fights in winter.

4 – Aloe Blacc: Wake Me Up

Returning to Avicii, I have listened to this song everyday since July 2013. On July 8th it was the only song I listened to, over and over and over again. The Avicii version that is. Lately I have been listening to covers of the song. Birdy does a beautiful cover, Boyce Avenue do their cover which is as pleasant as the rest of their music and then Aloe Blacc comes in and takes me right back to July. This song has meaning to me and where Avicii has exhausted it, Blacc renews it. I tried carrying the weight of the world, but I only have two hands, I hope get the chance to travel the world but I don’t have any plans. I wish that I could stay forever this young, not afraid to close my eyes, life’s a game made for everyone and love is the prize. So wake me up when it’s all over, when I’m wiser and I’m older, all this time I was finding myself and I didn’t I was lost. 

The video to this version is also particularly captivating.

5 – Gabrielle Aplin: I’m On Fire

She’s my favourite, I can’t really say anymore about it. I haven’t had a day without Gabrielle Aplin for about three years now. I came across her on youtube, way before The Power of Love when she was doing covers and releasing eps, and then she got famous and came to Newcastle and I’m almost 23 and I still get giddy. Her music is something special. The girl’s a musical poet.

 

I could have listed so many more tunes but these are the 5 that have particularly stood out. These past few days have been really strange, I don’t really know why. My mind has been going in circles.

Enjoy!

 

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Remembering.

As far as Mothering Sundays go this was the worst one. 

I want to say: ‘I went to my nanna’s grave for the first time since she died.’ But I didn’t, I went to a grave and it has a picture of her on it but she’s not there because it’s my great grandad’s grave, a man I never met and my nanna was cremated. And I haven’t visited the grave earlier because it confused me. She’s not there, and remembering that she’s not there just makes me think really hard about the fact that she’s not here either. So today I went. And it was awful. There’s not much more that can be said. I just miss you, little nanna. I miss everything about you. And sometimes, if I think really hard I feel like I can probably remember what you sounded like, and some days I just feel like I’ve forgotten. And I didn’t expect it to happen so fast. It’s only been nine months. So yes, today I went to ‘your grave’, and I’m sorry that I don’t think I’ll be back anytime soon. xxx

I realise the purpose of this blog has changed a lot since last July. I apologise for that. 

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Because Gabrielle makes sense.

I guess it’s funny how things change
I turn a corner and your life has turned a page
I saw the story in your eyes begin to fade before you hit the ground
I saw you hit the ground

Trying to work out what it means
How can it all come down to lines upon a screen?
How can we lose something we’ve tried so hard to keep out of the lost and found?
The lost and found

So keep your head up in the clouds
Live tomorrow now
Run rings ’round roses til we all fall down
Til we all fall down

This song makes so much sense that it is almost scary. I have a friend and we used to talk about songs, or poems, or quotes that make you feel like they were just written for you. Well, this song, this is the song that makes me feel like it was written for me. Especially: ‘Trying to work out what it means, how can it all come down to lines upon a screen? How can we lose something we try so hard to keep out of the lost and found?’

Gabrielle Aplin is my favourite, and she has released a whole album since this song, but one album and two concerts later and this is still the song I come back to.

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May 20th 2013

I’ve just been looking through my Tumblr account, and on May 20th 2013 this is what I wrote:

“I look into the future and I see … nothing.”

I turned 22 on that day, and I had a good day, so I’m not sure why I would have been writing that, especially on my birthday. I look into my future and I see nothing. 

In some ways, it feels like I have a lot more reason to say that now than I did then. Most days, at least once, I just feel lost. Like I’m not sure where I’m meant to be, or what I’m meant to be doing, or how I’m meant to be feeling. I guess that is what grief does, it changes things. It changes people. It makes you feel hollow. It makes you feel like false smiles and laughs are the only way to get through the day. But then the feeling fades for a little while, and whilst you constantly miss people, you learn to appreciate those you still have. You learn to just acknowledge that you’re not happy right now, but you will be soon, in a moment, in an hour. You learn to just accept the grief, instead of trying to ignore it, and deny it. 

I can’t remember writing that, and even though since then I’ve lost someone so special to me which would make my future look empty…that is not how I feel.

I’m almost 23, and when I look at my future I see…something. 

And that feels good.

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Say Something

This song makes me think of four things:

- Sitting on a park bench at 9.30 on Sunday 7th July.
- A bed, a hand, a lot of family.
- Waking out of a room at 6.30pm without saying goodbye.
- Realising on the 8th July that I should have said goodbye.

And it makes me think of these things because I knew. I knew I should have held the hand, and I knew I should have said goodbye and, deep down, I knew that you were giving up and I knew that I was giving up on hope.
And this song, this awfully beautiful song, makes me think of every single bit of it.

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The Art of Losing

I’m currently writing on the villanelle form in poetry, a form which uses repetitive lines and we had to look at this poem a few weeks ago and it has stayed with me, I read it almost every day so figured I would post it. It is called One Art by Elizabeth Bishop.

One Art

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
 
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
 
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
 
I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
 
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.
 
—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
 
I think there is something really sad about this poem, mainly because if you have mastered the art of losing, then you have lost enough to be able to deal with it. Yes, we all lose keys, hairclips, time, memory sticks and friendships, but then there are things that we lose that can’t be found again, whether through hard work or chance, and I think that is a disaster. That Bishop writes that to lose a love may only seem a disaster is quite sad. Surely it depends on who the love was?
 
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Laughter Lines

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything on here. I was surprised to find that my laptop was actually still logged in, I haven’t tried for so long, and I’m pretty certain I’ve forgotten my password. 

Anyway, my last post was the last time I actually wrote anything, and I still haven’t written anything so naturally the next thing for me would be song lyrics. And as I have nothing else to say right now I’m going to post lyrics that mean a lot to me right now. I’m not sure what it is about them that are so special, they just make me think. They make me think about two people specifically, two people who aren’t here anymore. And I have to believe that one day, in the future, I will be able to think about them. I won’t see them, but I’ll think about them and it will be a little easier than it is at the moment.

You took me to your favourite place on Earth
to see the tree they cut down ten years from your birth.
Our fingers traced in circles round its history,
we brushed our hands right back in time through centuries.

As you held me down, you said:

“I’ll see you in the future when we’re older
and we are full of stories to be told. 
Cross my heart and hope to die,
I’ll see you with your laughter lines.” 

Ashen faces in cold breeze,
all the stories you will leave.

I’ll see you in the future when we’re older
and we are full of stories to be told. 
Cross my heart and hope to die,
I’ll see you with your laughter lines.

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